Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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