STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
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no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
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My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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