meet me or not, i'm out of control
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
