I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
