I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize