I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
