I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
