pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
