i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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