this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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