He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
