ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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