theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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