my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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