the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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