I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
