she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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