hotel room ftw
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
