just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
