YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
