I wish I could teleport
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
