New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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