That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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