I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
