my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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