"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
