why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
