is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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