Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Someone came in the potted fern
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
