Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
