OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize