who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
