i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
