Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
