A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize