as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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