The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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