here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
