Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
there is puke in my bra ... again
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