If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
