he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
