I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
