I wish I could teleport
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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