Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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