Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
