I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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