Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You may now shotgun with the bride
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
