Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
