Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.