I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.