I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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