I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
"it" just moved
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize