so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.