umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
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cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
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I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town