he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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