I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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