just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
