hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
