my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My pussy is not your playground.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
