i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize