Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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