And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
