He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
