...so i touched it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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